I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
