I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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