I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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