If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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