he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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