3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
