just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
