Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
