i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize