I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
