Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
