my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
