You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
