I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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