I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
