i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
