So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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