There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
