is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize