I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
