my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
