He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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