its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
time to smoke my breakfast
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
