Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
