You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
