What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize