I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Come on in and take your pants off
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