Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
