Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
