I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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