that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
