Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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