I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
