when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
