I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
