Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
