i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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