haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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