why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want nice things and good sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
