I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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