I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
