Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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