you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
