Sry I called you an 8
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
