this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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