Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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