I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is my gift to your gina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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