guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
