Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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