craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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