There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
