No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
