Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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