I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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