is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
