Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
