True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
