I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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