Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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