It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
