This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
