I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
