now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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