oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
are you so shy because you have an std?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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