me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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