Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
