dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
