so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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