I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
