you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was born a porn star she said
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
